Your Husband Isn't At That New Restaurant

Saving single women some sanity and some cash.

Welcome to Cheaper Than Therapy, a newsletter by Shani Silver.

When you want to meet somebody, and you’re not meeting anybody, grasping at straws feels better than feeling helpless. We also live in a capitalist society that is hungry for what’s new and fresh at all times. As single women, we’re probably pretty keyed into the cities where we live—we’re aware of cool things that happen, we want to participate. That is all wonderful, and I’m all for single women doing what excites them. What excites me less is single women imagining that the one place they haven’t been yet is the one place their husband is hiding. Your future husband is not at that new restaurant. Let it go.

We don’t live in a culture of gathering. The last time you were in a space with available human beings who were experiencing the same stage of life as you, you were probably in college or grad school. We don’t gather repeatedly in spaces with abundant options for potential partners after that. We lose the benefits of repeated exposure, and enter a phase of life where we’re expected to desire others based on very little information. Yes, we do lack third spaces as a society, so it’s not shocking to me that bars and restaurants appear enticing, because they are simply places to go. And I want us to go! I just want us to stop spending money on new and new and new places because finding someone is our real motivation for being there. Food tastes better without a side of desperation for a partner, disappointment that you didn’t find him, and compounded frustration after years of doing the same fucking thing.