Why Does Nobody Want Me?
For anyone wondering.
Welcome to Cheaper Than Therapy, a newsletter by Shani Silver.
We’re not supposed to need to be wanted, but we all want to be wanted, and if no one ever wants you, good fucking luck. Unwantedness is a feeling that weaves through your life and reminds you at every opportunity that your existence is an imposition upon the world. It’s probably true for everyone but single women feel it more acutely, to no one’s surprise. It’s not true of course, you wouldn’t exist if you weren’t an absolutely necessary part of humanity, I’m speaking more to the feeling of being unwanted and undesired by others. The ache that can make you feel pointless—that shit. It’s worth discussing because when you live your life as someone who doesn’t feel wanted, finding your place in life is hard, and finding your self worth is even harder.
Avoiding reliance on others for our sense of self esteem is essential to being a happy single person, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t days when it’s deeply hard to feel good about yourself. Living exclusively under a shroud of rejection doesn’t feel good, and I’d challenge anyone to be able to perpetually ignore it. Sometimes, you just want to feel like someone prefers to have you around, and single people go without that feeling more than anyone else. If you are feeling unwanted in any sense of the word, I think you deserve a deep dive into how the world has failed you, because I can assure you things are not the other way around.