Weddings & Single Women
You felt that title in your gut, didn't you?
Welcome to Cheaper Than Therapy, a healing newsletter for 80s babies by Shani Silver. This newsletter does not publish free content, but if you’d like to read it you can subscribe here. Thank you for enjoying the work of independent writers.
It’s not about you. That’s how it happens. That’s how wedding culture gets away with acting superior to single women without ever feeling the slightest need to apologize. It’s someone’s wedding day, how dare we do anything but nod and smile? Daring to express any discomfort whatsoever is akin to spitting in the brides face on her way down the aisle—we know our job. Stand there, look adoringly at the bride, and take it. It’s not about you, you don’t matter today. Until someone inevitably, predictably, and unnecessarily shines the shaming light of singlehood on you at a fucking wedding, then you matter so much, but not in a good way.
In the great culture of weddings, single women can’t win, and we can’t escape. There’s no way in or out without comparison, shame, and discomfort. Every component of a wedding isolates a single woman, while a person she loves is publicly bound to the reason they’ll never be isolated that way again. There’s endless pageantry to weddings, but it extends far beyond the bride. Anyone who’s ever attended a wedding alone as a single woman (and I’ve done it plenty) can attest to the fact that you’re not invisible on that day. There are actually quite a few eyes on you. And they burn.