The Energy Of Attraction
The manufactured over-importance of male approval.
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We were trained to be bait. I’ll say it. From an alarmingly young age, I was taught to focus my face, hair, clothing, even physical gestures and posture on how attractive these things would be to boys, and later men—weren’t you? As a result of society’s perpetual over-focus on the appearance of women for the male gaze, I grew up with an understanding of attraction that taught me my primary role in romantic scenes wasn’t to enjoy attention, but instead to convince men to want me. Which implies that from the start, they don’t. As if the natural energy that exists between men and women is that of two backwards magnets, and how pretty I was could flip one of ‘em around.
This energy of responsibility placed me at a mental deficit in life. I learned that women are burdens in the romantic world, and it was a gift if a man looked at me and liked what he saw enough to take me on as a partner. I literally moved through the world feeling like I had to make a strong enough case for myself that at least one of these guys would think, “alright, sure.” I know not all women learned the dynamic this way, but I sure as shit did, and it directly influenced my self opinion and self worth. Read that again: The way I came across to men influenced who I thought I was as a woman. Bitch…