Now That Men Are Cringe, What Does That Mean For Single Women?

You're allowed to feel confused, but not ashamed.

Welcome to Cheaper Than Therapy, a newsletter by Shani Silver.

I call this photo “Unedited Radishes.” I always marvel at how many radishes there are at farmer’s markets when I don’t personally know anyone at all who eats them. They are however delicious, and shouldn’t be overlooked. Perhaps it’s me. I am radish.

I’ve had a bit of whiplash lately. What do you mean heterosexual romantic partnerships are “out” this season? What do you mean relationships are cringe? And the thing that kicks me right in the shins: We’re calling women out for having boyfriends? Like…that’s the thing to be ashamed of now? Or are we just posturing because the dating space and all the men within it are a nightmare from which we cannot wake? If we actually did meet the right guy, are we really saying we’d slam the door in his face? Explain it to me, take pity on an old woman.

I don’t like the tone of trendy language around choosing to be single, because it relies on men being total shits in order for it to work long-term. It’s not an authentic choice to be single that comes from inside of us, it’s a decision made in response to frustration and exhaustion. It doesn’t have room for what happens if you meet one who’s worth a damn. You know what though, shaming men with their own embarrassing failings as partners is something I can get behind, heaven knows nothing else has worked, why not try this? Where I struggle is when the newest wave of thought regarding romantic relationships seems to shame women for wanting (and enjoying) companionship. Are we really going to tell women they’re disappointing because they enjoy men? Are we going to look down on women for refusing to relinquish their desire for love in this life? Are we really going along with this, or just saving face by pretending to?