Never Marry Someone For Chicken
This seems obvious.
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It’s not about tricks. Love isn’t an act in entrapment. Human beings aren’t wearing aphrodisiac-colored camouflage, attempting to bait prey close enough to trip the wire and close the cage. Real love, the reason to experience life with someone, is organic, layered, and honest. And yet, culture continues to insult my intelligence with each new romance-focused reality show and dating podcast someone with unfathomable money decides to put into production.
Apparently, not even food is safe from romantic manipulation, as we recently saw in Marry Me Chicken’s most recent rise to virality. The dish is so named because, according to legend, it’s just so good that it will convince someone to claim you for life, as though they’ve suddenly recognized they’ve picked a perfectly ripe avocado from the pile. I am teetering on sanity the width of a razor blade with this shit, I swear to god.