My New Book Is Here!

I did it. Again.

Welcome to Cheaper Than Therapy, a newsletter by Shani Silver.

It is with great joy, and the anxiety only an author can feel, that I announce the publication of my second book.

What If We Never Get Married? A happily ever answer.

With book two, it was important to me to focus on one extremely important topic: The future. The future is a worrisome thing in traditional singlehood narratives. How long have you been hearing that “don’t die alone” bullshit? This book asks a very real question, because for the first time, “dying alone” is no longer a threat to keep single women settling, it is a natural outcome of living a life on earth. Our single lives don’t deserve to be followed around by a dark cloud of fear, a fear that pressures us into settling for men who make our lives worse than they were when we were single. There are more single people now than there have ever been. We have to ask ourselves “What if we never get married” so that we can see the answer isn’t so scary at all. We get to do more than fear the future, especially because if you think back, I bet you were scared of today once, too.

I’m not actually talking about dying alone, and I never was. I don’t care how we die. I care how we live, and more of us are living single for longer, and for more of our lives, than human beings ever have. That reality does not sentence single women to lives of worry and unhappiness. I refuse to believe that’s our only option, especially when I’ve been living single for almost 18 years and I’m not living with worry, fear, or unhappiness—I like this. I like it a lot actually, and what a waste it would be to look at my own future with disappointment when it may very well be a continuation of a life I already like?

My gift is the ability to point out the ridiculous, misleading, and limiting narratives that never want you to see how free you are. Then we look at the lies and ask ourselves what’s really going on instead. That’s how we reframe, and that’s how we give ourselves the calm confidence to know that a life lived alone is not a lesser life, it’s not a bad life, it’s a life full of freedom and possibility. We’re just never supposed to celebrate it or the married women will be jealous. Can’t let the marrieds see how great this is, they might get ideas!

They threatened us with spinsterhood, with dying alone, with urgency. They made us think if we didn’t hurry up and settle for someone, we’d never have anyone at all. Here’s the thing: We actually might never have a partner at all. Is that really enough to stop you? Are you going to let that ruin a life that already belongs to you? Or are you going to face the idea (not the certainty!) the idea of being “alone forever” and refuse to let it rule your choices? A life guided by fear is so much worse than a life that faced it, and discovered there wasn’t actually anything to fear at all. Again, remember there was a time when you were afraid of being single right now, and here you are, fully capable and fully free—I’m sorry but I have a hard time seeing the downside there.

Loves, we will never know when never is, but we really might never get married. That has to be okay with you. I think it’s the only way to live happily for all the days we’re lucky enough to be alive. If this is a hard concept for you, that’s okay. That’s why I wrote a book about it. I hope it helps. That’s all I have ever wanted to do.

Buy What If We Never Get Married? A happily ever answer, here.

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Because it brings me joy. And I’m proud of myself today.

xo

Shani

The only reason I’m able to self-publish books at all is through the support of this community. Please consider becoming a paid member of Cheaper Than Therapy to read new reframing content from me weekly.