I Can't Be Impressive Anymore
Performance culture is wasting your time.
Welcome to Cheaper Than Therapy, a newsletter by Shani Silver.
I’m not hitting a fitness goal, I’m not leveling up, I’m not manifesting. I’m not biohacking, I’m not on a supplement regimen, I don’t have earnings targets. I’m not listening to any good podcasts, I’m not healing old wounds, I’m not “working on” anything right now. I’m not making impressive, inspiring changes, I’m off the endless treadmill of self improvement that made a lot of grifters a lot of money in the last ten years or so. I’m taking stock of how much time I spent thinking they were right simply because they were speaking. If you want to know what I’m really doing these days, I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other because right now is the hardest it’s ever been to do the easiest things. I guess I don’t really feel like being a badass on social media right now.
I’m done trying to impress people. I’m finished trying to come up with an exciting answer when I’m asked, “So, what’s going on with you these days?” What’s going on? I’m keeping a roof over my head while maintaining my physical and mental health, that’s what’s actually, literally going on. But that doesn’t impress anyone, that doesn’t get a positive social response. It gets an awkward one. A widening of the eyes, a slow nod, a “Oh, that’s great” said in a way you don’t believe. I’m done trying to impress people because the entire time I was doing impressive shit, I was miserable, and none of that impressive shit led to anything actually impressive in my own life. Moving forward if you want me to impress you, you have to prove to me why it’s worth it.