How To Decenter Men Because This Is Ridiculous
When everything is too much, singlehood has to be enough.
Welcome to Cheaper Than Therapy, a newsletter by Shani Silver.
Every gender should be appalled by current events, but women will be the ones vocal about it. In the last week I’ve seen an online rape academy exposed, not just for its existence, but for its popularity. I’ve read the news to see a man murder his wife who was divorcing him before taking his own life. I’ve seen a man murder eight children and injure two women, one of whom was his ex. I’ve also seen a therapist who makes content for single women with a following 45x the size of mine describe in a public social media post how he likes to receive hand jobs. It’s an absolutely batshit time to be attracted to straight men, and you are not the crazy one.
If you are still having difficulty decentering men for your own wellbeing, peace, safety, and comfort, I get it. We’re human—a straight, human woman is allowed to desire men, but my hope is that her unmet desires are not a problem for her. I’m afraid that when our desires run the show, that show ends in settling, and I don’t just mean settling for someone less-than, I mean settling for someone dangerous, too. We shouldn’t have to stop wanting men to be able to decenter them. It feels overburdensome to try to erase a completely normal human desire—and honestly I’m less concerned with with what we want, and more concerned with how much we want it. Men are a nice-to-have, not a need-to-have, and it is time to learn the fucking difference.