How To Be Alone Through This Sh*t, Too
Breathe.
Welcome to Cheaper Than Therapy, a newsletter by Shani Silver.
If you are wrung out, the shell of you drained from constant oscillation between fear, anger, shock, and the responsibilities that keep a roof over your head, if your nervous system can’t regulate because you feel guilty when it does, if you never have anyone but the internet to talk to about all this when you’re home alone, all of the time—me too, love. Me too.
I’m sick of seeing the bright side. I’m sick of reminding myself that having a partner right now could very likely be a detriment instead of a benefit, that a romantic relationship with a man in this day and age is quite often a burden, one that more and more women are releasing. I’m not denying any of that, but I’m also not relying on that narrative to feel better today. I think the kind of partner I’d be willing to commit my time and emotions to would be the sort of person you’d want around in a pinch. Mostly I’m just tired of being scared by myself, because I think fear is more manageable when you share it. Since no amount of wishing—in my 18 years of singlehood—has made a damn bit of difference, I thought that instead of idealizing what life these days would be like with a partner, I’d remind us all how to be alone when things get bad. It’s a far more productive use of our time.