How Dating Culture Breeds Desperation
It's not you. It never was.
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The modern dating experience is a flaming landfill of broken glass, souring detritus, and angry bees — by now this is common knowledge. I don’t need to hear any more “horror stories” or see any more conversation screen shots on social media. Dating culture has become a nightmare — I’m not on the fence about this. My question is, what impact is this nightmare actually having on single women? I am deeply concerned that it’s training us to lower our expectations until we expect nothing close to what we actually want. I’m worried we’re dating from rock bottom, and I don’t think rock bottom is where we’ll find love.
I stopped actively dating in 2019, but when I was still participating in that culture, each year of my swiped-away adulthood resulted in another “deal breaker” of mine relinquished. Year after year, I’d lower my standards because I thought I had to. I wasn’t finding what I actually wanted, I wasn’t attracting what I actually wanted, so that must mean I need to lower myself to meet reality, right? What I didn’t know is that dating culture, particularly digital dating culture, is not reality. It’s a world build on ones and zeros where consequences go to die and bad behavior gets to breed. Those screen shots you keep taking, horrified by what people (sorry, men) will say and do? Those don’t shock me anymore. Can I believe he said that? Yes. What’s harder for me to believe is that you’re still participating in a dating culture that’s continually letting you down, and bringing you down. Especially when it’s fucking optional.